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everything; something; nothing

Take away these mountains and give me a city.

These mountains, this sea, these winds are all so unchanging. Take all of them away and give me a city. The verdant trees tire me—different shades of the same color, everywhere, all over. These flowers are all the same. There are only so many poems I can write about these roses and I am running out of words faster than the rotting of their petals. This night-sky has only worn two colors—black and blue— and I want more. Give me a city, tonight, give me a city.

I want to scan skylines and touch concrete buildings. I want smog in my lungs. I want to watch people walk towards death on pavements and zebra crossings. These stars only twinkle and the moon only shines, and I am more than ready to give them all up. I want bartender stories and stray cats in alleys. I want vomit covered car doors and 15 year old girls in tight dresses. I want boys who don’t believe in religion. I want cigarette butts and lightning.

Take away this cottage. I have calluses on my palms from tending my garden. I am tired, tired, tired of grass stains on my knees. I want bruises, goddamn it, I want bruises. Give me a small apartment. Let me hear the neighbors fight and fuck. Let me scream at them and tell them to shut up. I want to hear traffic and factory buzzes. These crickets and birds are driving me insane.

Nature keeps telling me to believe in something more. Take away these unconditionally beautiful things and give me a city where I can blame ugly on the ugly. I want to sit in a park and know that the bench I sit on was made by someone’s hands. I want to know the names of every architect. 

Just, please, take away these mountains. I painted them once and I don’t see any way of doing it again differently. Give me thousands of people and ever-changing streets. Every stop sign and every brawl will not only give me pictures to draw, but words to write and stories to tell.

Lend me some money and I will buy a crate of whiskey. I want my stomach to churn like heavy machinery. I want there to be more noise inside me. I want rattling bones and a night spent in bed with someone I don’t care to know. I’ve spent too many darknesses alone to want to anymore. 

This sea doesn’t let me feel alone. It is far too animated for my liking. Give me men who wear suits to bars. Give me barking dogs with no teeth. I have a craving to feel lonely among a group of old ladies. I want to go to a library and walk out empty handed, knowing that there was more to do than just sit and read. 

I don’t know enough about history. Give me rain-stained monuments and fractured statues. These leaves fall and then reincarnate. It makes me sick. I want death to be once and for all. I’m tired of seeing them return again and again. I don’t want to believe them.

Take away everything. Take away everything. Give me a city. Give me a reason to be mad. Fill me with smoke and take away tranquility. This reality is too much for someone as fictional as me.

Posted 1 year ago with 112 notes
Tags: prose  city series  
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    Words cannot describe the way this resonated with me just now.This person is wonderful.
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    Shit.
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